Sam Was Here: Losing My Son to Addiction

I’ll Do Anything For You: Losing Me to Try to Save Sam

Did you change your life or make choices you normally wouldn't to accommodate a loved ones addiction?   
In today's episode, I discuss some of the ways I changed and the unhealthy choices I made while trying to keep Sam alive.    I will also take about how grief can make us feel awkward in society and how we can protect ourselves by listening to our inner energy.
I will discuss my own timeline of grief.    I will tell you about the 4 dates that have held me hostage every single month for 9 months and how I used this month to change my approach to these days.    Also, my current physical manifestations of stress during grief are very common and my current one is creeping me out.    And, last but not least, one big change I have made to honor myself exactly where I am.
The main purpose of this podcast is to deal, heal, and authentically begin to move forward.   At the end, I will also discuss how to start that process in three small and simple steps. 
No matter how much pain we are in, we still have a life and a purpose and together, I hope we can find it again. 

The Hell of Prison

Today's podcast is a mini-episode in which I cover just one topic:  My thoughts on the nightmare we call our prison system and how I think it harmed my son.   
It's not that Sam didn't deserve to face the consequences, it's that the consequences should not be designed to steal the human right to be respected and cared for.  
I am not a licensed counselor or therapist, I am a grieving mom here to share the story of my son's addiction, death, and my own attempt to get through it.

Relationships Broken Forever

When our loved ones become addicted, our relationships with them often crumble and when they lose the battle, we are left with the guilt and the grief of a broken relationship.    When we look back, we tend to oversimplify the issue and we beat ourselves up for not being able to do more.   
In today's episode, I discuss the aftermath of losing Sam at a time that our relationship was severely compromised as well as why and how we tend to oversimplify the issue at our own expense.
I will also talk about "Habit Stacking," from "Atomic Habits" by James Clear has helped me during my grief process.
I will briefly update on my own progress during grief and leave you with 3 ways to begin feeling better as soon as you are able to access them as well as this week's limerick.  
 
As a reminder, I am not a licensed professional, a doctor, or a therapist.  I am a grieving mom here to share the story of my son's addiction and death as well as my journey to move forward and rediscover joy and purpose in my own life.  

Triggers and Passions During Grief

During our deepest grief, everything in life becomes a trigger.   In today's episode, I will tell you about my friend's near death experience and how talking with him about it triggered by grief regarding Sam's death.    
I will also tell you about reconnecting with my greatest passion after Sam's death and the 3 positive and unexpected benefits I have received from doing so.   
I will talk about how the process of grieving for me is at nearly 9 months and what I am learning during this time and 3 important and practical ways to begin to feel better and start healing healing today and end with my weekly limerick.
I am not a licensed professional in therapy or counseling.   I am a grieving mom who is here to process and heal from my son's death to addiction and to provide inspiration for us all to move forward in the best ways that we can.

Expectations and Boundaries

In today's episode, I will discuss how much Sam's addiction changed him by the end of his life.   I'll also share what I've learned about managing our expectations of others during this time, how boundaries help in doing so, and practical ones to implement in your own life, without guilt.
I'll briefly share my personal experience with grief at this time, remind you of three important steps to take right now to feel better, and my weekly limerik.
This podcast is for grieving parents who have lost a son or a daughter to addiction.   I am here to share my experience and what I have learned through the tragedy of losing my son.   
I am also here to inspire you towards finding a way to find joy again while honoring your grief at the same time.
I am not a doctor, psychologist, or counselor.   This podcast contains my experience, opinion, and viewpoints and should not be considered a substitution for professional help.  

Living Without the Answers

My dead son's body was found frozen in a field by a 12 year old girl.   He had been there for days.   Like many of you,  we know part of the story of his death but not everything.  
This is such a traumatic part of losing our kids to addiction.   In this episode,  I will discuss what we know and don't know about the night Sam died.
I will talk about our human need for a complete story, the 4 biggest problems of long term effects of rumination, and how I have chosen the method of Reframing to fill in the gaps, create a logical and scientifically sound story that I can walk forward with.    The importance of finding our story cannot be overstated.
I discuss the big and extraordinarily painful issue of our new time line, before and after our kid's death, and how we can use this timeline in a positive way.
I will also briefly tap into what my life looks like at 4 1/2 months after losing Sam.   The different feelings and emotions I am having as well as what I am learning along the way.   
And, as usual, I will finish every episode with concrete steps to deal with our deepest grief in effort to reconnect with our joy and move forward with both, as well as my weekly limerick.
 
I am not a licensed professional, I am a grieving mom here to share the story of my son's addiction and death and my own healing.

Sam’s Dead

In this first Episode, I will start by giving a brief overview of Sam's addiction as well as the immediate aftermath of his death.  
I'll talk about how losing a son or daughter this way is different and why it is so important to deal with the trauma of their entire addiction and the lasting impact on you and your family, not just their death.  
Third, I will catch you up on my progress after losing my son 4 months ago and the steps I am taking to process and heal.
Last, as always, will end with concrete steps for moving forward and a weekly limerick.
Disclaimer:  I am not a license professional therapist.   I am a grieving mom, here to share my story and healing.

Trailer Episode

Welcome to this trailer episode of Sam Was Here.   I am here to openly and candidly discuss my son's life, addiction, death, and the impact it's had on me and my family in hopes that my story will help other parents recognize they are not alone.
I will talk about the healing process of losing my son this way as well as the insight and lessons I am learning along the way and the specific steps I am taking to heal.   
My intention is to open this conversation up in a way that resonates with, supports, and encourages other parents in their healing and also to promote a sense of community amongst us.
Disclaimer:    Please be advised that this show contains my experience, what I have learned, and the tools I am using to move forward in my own grief.  I am not a doctor, just a grieving mom trying to survive.   I do not offer medical advice and this podcast is not should never be used in place of medical help or therapy.     Please call your doctor for referrals or 911 for immediate help.