Sam Was Here: Losing My Son to Addiction

Intrusive Thinking In My Grief: How it Shows Up, Why I Think it's Unreasonable, and How I am Handling it.

One of my biggest struggles in grief is my intrusive thinking.   I have largely been unable to untangle my grief over losing Sam and my own thoughts of self-blame.    The problem with this mindset is that it is unreasonable and it also challenges our healing.
Today's episode is about my experience with intrusive thinking, 3 reasons I believe it is destructive and unproductive,  and how I have recently learned to stop my intrusive thoughts before they take my time and energy and pull me down.
Thank you for listening.
 

#35 Recall Rex Perris: Mayor of Lancaster, CA Suggests Fentanyl Purge of His City's Homeless

We cannot tolerate our city officials simply giving up a certain demographic of it's population.   Mayor Perris of Lancaster, CA,  stated, in front of the city council, that perhaps the answer to the city's homeless crisis is to give them all fentanyl.    A big Purge.   He is talking about humans.
Is an actual mayor of a city suggesting that people like my son don't deserve to live?    We cannot tolerate this ignorance in the people we elect.   He needs to step down.   
I know the water around him is getting hotter but let's get it boiling.  Please pass this information on to anyone who has the power to vote in the recall efforts.    
Every city deserves better than this.   We need officials who care, not ones who hold disdain for our hurting people.     Hold Mayor Rex Perris accountable and remove him from office.   It's the only answer.

#34 Hope and Joy are Still Possible, Even After Losing a Child

When Sam died, I felt no hope and no joy.  I felt like my life was largely over because I couldn't see past my pain.   
Hope is a complex topic when talking about losing a child.   Just What exactly are we hoping for?    How can hope make this better?   For a long time, I couldn't see it or imagine it but now,  I am finding it again. 
Today, I feel more hope and joy than I have since I lost my boy, nearly 2 1/2 years ago,  and I hope that this week's short episode of reaching a place I never thought I would be again inspires other grieving parents that they can feel better in time as well, if they are willing to take the necessary steps to do so.
Thank you for Listening 
 

#33 Guilt and Rumination: 4 Ways it's Harmful/Unreasonable For Us and 4 Stratagies I Use For Dealing With My Own Guilt

One of the biggest burdens I was left with when Sam died is guilt.  When we hold onto guilt for a situation we can not/could not solve, it's unreasonable and can also harm our healing.
In this Episode, I discuss why we need to challenge our guilt and rumination with reason and logic by talking about 4 ways/reasons that guilt can harm our healing and why it doesn't make sense to accept it.   I also discuss 4 ways that I have discovered I can help myself when guilty feelings take over again.    
Fortunately, if we take the right actions, we can confront our guilt, lessen it to a great degree, and perhaps one day even move past it.  Thanks for listening.     

#32 6 Pieces of Advice I Would Offer Myself For the First 2 Years After Sam Died

When I lost Sam, I was determined to live through my grief the way I needed to and also that I would never go back and judge myself for it.   I stand by that today.   Recently, however, I was asked what advice I would give myself if I could talk to the back then.   
In today's episode, I share 6 pieces of advice I would lovingly pass back to myself and anyone else who asked.   

#31: Similarities Between Parents Who Watch Their Kids Struggle With Addiction and Those Whose Kids Ship Off to Fight a Warr

I watched a special on the Vietnam War recently and I was struck by the similarities between those parents, the ones whose kids were sent to fight the war, and us, whose kids fought the war here at home.   (The war on drugs.)   This episode is about those similarities.   
Time doesn't heal all wounds, it doesn't even come close.   What time does is dull the intensity for those further removed while living on forever in those of us up close.   Before losing Sam, I had no idea how many people are so deeply affected by grief, now I see it everywhere. 
The many past generations of unresolved pain, especially that of losing a son or a daughter,  is something that I have never considered until now, because I didn't have to.   I used to feel removed from mom's of the past but this one singular thread, losing a child, weaves us together through all time.
Specifics don't matter when you watch your child live a life of danger that you have no control over and no ability to stop.  Unfortunately, epidemics and wartimes have negatively impacted the lives of parents and future generations since the beginning of time.
Thanks for listening.

#30: What I Learned About Grief When My Dog Died: I Thought Sam's Death Made me Less Vulnerable to Grief But I Was Wrong...

In today's episode,  I am discussing losing my dog Luna and why I think my experience was different because of Sam.   
Sam's death was so painful and unbearable that I was convinced I would never feel grief again like I had in the past.   I believed that my son's death would put everything else into perspective and nothing else would matter, baring the worst, and I could not have been more wrong.  
Luna's death not only shook me to my core and put me into a tail spin, it opened my eyes to some new aspects of grief.    Every relationship in life ends at some point but I was not ready or prepared for how difficult it would be to say goodbye to my sweet girl and number one supporter through my darkest days.

Grief Spirals: Why Balance is More Important Than Ever During Grief and How to Handle the Times Life Gets too Heavy

Nearly 2 1/2 years after losing Sam, my life got completely out of balance and my grief took a huge hit.    In today's episode, I talk about my grief spiral, what caused it, and what I have re-discovered about the importance of keeping balance in my life.     I share what balance looks like in my own life and encourage you to create and commit to your own idea of balance.   
I also discuss how I handled my own spiral and why I believe that our connections with the right people can help pull us back up to the surface during the times that our lives become out of balance and we face plant back into our heaviest grief.   
 
 
 

Choose Your Hard: Moving Forward is Hard, Staying Stuck Where We are is Also Hard

Moving forward after losing Sam feels impossible at times but it's the choice I remain committed to, even on my darkest days.   There is no easy choice or path after losing a son or daughter but at some point, and the timeline will vary widely between us, we each have a choice to move forward towards healing or stay stuck in our grief.    
In this episode, I bring in a concept I heard on another podcast (The Ramsey Show), and I talk about 4 ways that moving forward after losing Sam have been been hard for me but why I believe it's crucial to stay the course.  I also discuss 4 ways that the choice NOT to take the steps we need to heal will be detrimental for us in all aspects of our life and why we need to look at healing as a new skill, not something we wait until we feel like doing.    

Grief Has Changed My Relationship With Money Too: Why I Am Choosing Not to Shop For the Holidays This Year

This year, for the first time in my life, I have made the decision not to spend any money for Christmas.  In today's episode, I talk about how grief has changed my willingness to participate in a tradition that typically has me spending more money than I should.
Losing a child is a stark reminder of what money can and cannot do for us.  I know for sure that we can't buy our way into happiness or out of grief and for that reason, the chaotic shopping pace around me feels disconnected from my new reality.    
This is a season where consumer debt and overspending will cause anxiety and grief for millions in the months to come and this year, I am choosing to ditch the heavy traffic, long shopping lines, and financial regret of buying things my kids don't need with money I don't necessarily have to spend. 
Grieving parents and their families go through hell during the holidays and I believe that we should all be encouraged to make the choices that make sense for our family, regardless of longstanding family and societal expectations.