Sam Was Here: Losing My Son to Addiction

Four Things I Wonder About After Losing Sam and Why I Think it is Important to Immerse Ourselves in Our Grief

Every parent who loses a son or daughter to addiction is left with many more questions than answers.   For me, different questions haunt me at different stages.   Today, I talk about 4 that are heavy on my heart right now and why.
Also, I discuss why I believe that it is important to experience grief at it's fullest in a systematic way.    The temptation to avoid the hardest thoughts and discussions can be high but healing doesn't work that way.   It's like a video game, we can't skip levels, even the ones we can hardly stand to experience.
At the end of this episode, as always, I leave you with 3 simple but very effective ways that we can all feel better each day, as well as the limerick that I have written for Sam this week.
I am not a medical professional or a counselor, I am a grieving mom, here to share my story and the ways I am using to move forward on a daily basis.

Life Doesn't Stop For Grief: How I Managed to Sabotage My Healing and What I Learned From it

In today's episode, I discuss how I discovered that even the positive transitions we make during our healing journeys can trigger us, cause us extra stress, and even carry the great potential to set us back.     
I will also talk about the importance of maintaining the routines that we have found benefit us at this time and why I believe that staying consistent with this podcast is one of the ways I will end up helping myself the most. 
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I am a grieving mom, here to share my experience and how I am trying to move forward to find healing and joy again. 

There's No Pot of Gold But We Have to Keep Looking

In today's episode, I talk about 3 of my biggest current struggles with healing at 17 months:   The work to payoff ratio is depressingly skewed, I struggle to trust the process, and I can't seem to reconnect with  important parts of myself..
I share why I think it's important to keep pushing myself forward through these struggles and 4 ways I have found that help me.
Commitment to healing after losing a son or daughter is not an inclination, it's a choice.     It's not something we wake up feeling like doing every day, even most days,  but it's important and necessary.   One of the reasons I started podcasting was to commit myself to this process.   Thanks for stopping by.  
I am not a doctor or a counselor and I am not here to offer advice.   I am here to share my experience and how I am trying to heal and move through it.
 

Why Sam's Death Caused Me to Stop Drinking

I have been an on again/off again drinker all of my life, always stopping for a while if I felt like I was starting to drink too consistently.    When Sam died, however, I was confronted with the fact that alcohol was getting in the way of me healing from my grief and I no longer cared enough to regulate my drinking.
In this podcast, I explore what I know about Sam's drinking and I also get very candid about my own history, including the time I had alcohol poisoning and lost control of all body functions at 15 years old, and the specific reasons that I was ready to quit for good 6 months ago.
As always, at the end of the episode I will talk about 3 ways to move forward just a little bit today and this week's limerick, titled "My Ode to Alcohol."
Thanks for stopping in.
 

Sam's First Overdose; Anniversary Reactions and How to Effectively ManageThem.

We can't control time and therefore, anniversaries, both good and bad, will come up every year for as long as we live.    In today's episode, I am going to tell you about Sam's first heroin overdose, how it changed my life and how it affects me every year.    Looking back, it feels like the day the music died for me and Sam's family.
Anniversaries are powerful and some are very difficult.   We can't stop them from coming but there are ways we can help ourselves through them.   I will share my experience with this particular anniversary and how I try to think and grow through it.
As always, I will remind you with 3 small but powerful steps to help yourself feel a little better each day and leave you with a limerick I have written for Sam.
References:  From the Center For PTSD: 
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/essentials/anniversary_reactions.asp

Sixteen Month Relaunch: What I Have Learned About Time and Grief

Today's episode is a relaunch after a 6 month absence while I lapsed into another grief spiral.   Life doesn't stop or give pause, even during our most difficult times, even while grieving for a lost son or daughter.   I am going to briefly talk about my absence and what I learned from it.
I will also be sharing my personal experience with using time to my advantage, how I have progressed, and my opinion of what needs to happen over time in order to heal and move forward.   
As always, I will leave you with 3 simple but very effective ways to feel a little better immediately and this week's limerick.  
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I am a grieving mom here to talk about my son's addiction, death, and my quest for meaning and healing.   If this podcast is helpful to youhji, please share with anyone who could also benefit.  Thank you.

Why People Judge Addiction, Why We Shouldn’t Care, and Why We Need to Create Resilience Regarding itit

One of the greatest challenges our society faces around addiction is the stigma that surrounds it.    In this episode, I share what I consider to be four important aspects of judgment.   
I start by discussing the reasons why people judge addiction.   Some are obvious, some are less obvious, and some are simply based in human behavior.   Ironically, however,  it has very little to do with addiction.     
 
Second, I will talk about how real and/or perceived judgments from others can impact our healing by changing the way we tell our story and deal with our grief.  
Third,  I will go over some specific reasons why we need to build resilience regarding this judgment so that we can honor our son or daughter, give respect to the scope of this epidemic, and to stand strong in our own story of fighting to save them.   
I will also tell you how I have handled the idea of judgment regarding Sam's addiction in my own life and the reasons why.   
I will tell you how connecting with two newly bereaved moms impacted me and why I think these connections are so important.
And, as always, I will leave you with 3 simple but powerful actions steps you can take every single day to find reprieve in your grief and begin to move forward as well as the limerick I have created for this week's podcast.
Disclaimer:  I am not a licensed professional or a counselor, I am a grieving mom.   I am here to share the story of my son's addiction, death, the aftermath, and the steps I am taking to move forward.      

We Can’t Think Our Way Out of Grief: Confusion, Nightmares, and Taking Action

When our kids are suffering from addiction, the change in their behavior doesn't happen overnight.   But gradually, over time, little shifts begin to occur that cause us to question our own sanity.   In today's episode, I am going to tell you about some of the ways Sam's behavior confused and unsettled me, how I tried to make sense of it, and why I think its common for us parents to feel this way.
Second, I'm going to tell you about the recent nightmare I had about Sam and how it affected me.  Unfortunately, sleep isn't always the reprieve we need during grief and there is any way around this part of our agony.   As difficult as these dreams are, however, I don't think it's wise to try to make sense of them.   
Third, I am going to remind us all why we can't think our way through grief and how taking action helps our process.   Writing is one of the simplest ways to move from ruminating in our thoughts to processing them.    I am  going to share with you how writing has helped me move forward during Sam's addiction and death.
And forth, as always, I will remind you of three small and simple steps we can all take every single day to aid in our healing.   Our grief is here to stay and our new job is to strengthen our heart muscle around it.
As always, I end every episode with the limerick I have created for the week.
We can't bring our kids back but I believe that we can and should grow stronger in their death, because it's the only choice we have.
Thank you for listening to today's episode.
In Peace,
Angie
 
Disclaimer:   I am not a medical professional or a therapist.   I am a grieving mom here to share the story of my son Sam's addiction, death, and my own choice to move forward in my grief.  I hope other parents or loved ones listening will hear that they are not alone and also be inspired towards their own healing. 
 
 
 

This Pain is Ours Forever Now: Eleven Truths to Losing a Son or Daughter to Addiction

In this Episode, I will talk about this horrific pain that will never go away and 11 truths to losing a son or a daughter to addiction.
I will also talk about my 3 remaining kids, how I believe they are processing their brother's death, and how I have tried and continue to try to support them during this time.   
I also want to let you know who consider to be a few of my gurus during my grief, besides my close friends and family.   We are all different in who we need during this time and how we need to be supported.    
Lastly, I will sum up the past week and remind you that each of our timelines is individual to us.   We are where we need to be right now.   
As always, I will close out with 3 important but simple action steps to begin feeling stronger in your grief today and my weekly limerick.
As a reminder, I am not a licensed professional, I am a grieving mom, here to share the story of my son's addiction, death, the aftermath, and the steps I am taking to move forward to honor my grief and become stronger at the same time.
 
 

I’ll Do Anything For You: Losing Me to Try to Save Sam

Did you change your life or make choices you normally wouldn't to accommodate a loved ones addiction?   
In today's episode, I discuss some of the ways I changed and the unhealthy choices I made while trying to keep Sam alive.    I will also take about how grief can make us feel awkward in society and how we can protect ourselves by listening to our inner energy.
I will discuss my own timeline of grief.    I will tell you about the 4 dates that have held me hostage every single month for 9 months and how I used this month to change my approach to these days.    Also, my current physical manifestations of stress during grief are very common and my current one is creeping me out.    And, last but not least, one big change I have made to honor myself exactly where I am.
The main purpose of this podcast is to deal, heal, and authentically begin to move forward.   At the end, I will also discuss how to start that process in three small and simple steps. 
No matter how much pain we are in, we still have a life and a purpose and together, I hope we can find it again.